I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Today’s post is written in advance as well. Look at me! I have so much time on my hands that I’m scheduling posts. I have so much to tell you. More than usual lately. I like it.

If you recall, though I think you might not, you agreed to do a puzzle with me on 17^th December 2024. You were lying on my rug with my gray bunny, Ace, and I asked if you’d help me complete a puzzle I started years ago but haven’t had the chance to finish. You looked at the half-completed Titanic-themed puzzle under my bed and shrugged in agreement. Actually, you did more than just shrug, you kind of said, “Yeah of course, that means I’ll have to come over to your place a lot more.” I was quite happy when you agreed. The puzzle actually belongs to my parents. They didn’t attempt it when they were dating and forgot about it. I started it on my own three years ago and thought it would be nice if we could finish it. Symbolic. As we know, we didn’t get to.

I never touched the puzzle ever since. It had been sitting under my bed this whole time until two days ago, when my mum asked if I would throw it away. I was going to begin my Harry Potter Lego and she asked me to throw the puzzle out because she thought all my current projects would clutter up my room. It’s true, in a way. I did think of getting rid of the puzzle every now and then because it does feel like something incomplete in my room and that made me uncomfortable sometimes.

It’s silly, but the only reason why I didn’t want to get rid of it was because we were supposed do it together. Another silly thing I couldn’t let go of. That was also the reason why I never worked on it after you passed or threw it away – it would have been our thing.

Today, I made the logical decision of packing it up and throwing it out. As I was doing it, I really wanted to stop and just keep it. Leave it the way it was and ignore the potential clutter. Tried to convince myself to as well. I took a picture of the state it was in before I ruined it, just a little memory of what we last saw when we looked at it. I really wanted to somehow preserve the state it was in but it was covered in so much dust and the color was fading from some pieces.

Realistically, I wouldn’t have been able to complete it – not without you. It would have sat there till… I don’t know. I tried to convince myself that we barely made memories with it. I tried to tell myself that the memories we did make with it are embedded in my mind forever and I’ve got that picture of how it looked when you agreed to finish it with me. The fact is, you didn’t even touch the puzzle. You looked at it for less than a minute – just glanced at it after I asked. It still made it difficult to throw out though.

I wish we got to do the things we wanted to do. I wonder if we would have been happy. Can’t wait to see you again. I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, and I’ll miss you more than you can imagine.

Love always,
Sha