Dear Josh,
It has been 632 days since I last spoke to you, and more than that since I last saw you physically. Sad to say, but you’ve missed a lot, as one does when they are not here. There are the big things you’ve missed, which I have mentioned. But there are also small things you’ve missed that I might have forgotten to tell you about because of how trivial they are. Today, I’d like to tell you about the small things you’ve missed that I think you would have cared about.
- I drink coffee now! Okay, not frequently, and not black the way you drink it, but it’s a step! I used to make fun of you for downing your large iced black coffee in five minutes, and for how bitter and awful it tastes, but here I am! Well, I actually have it with milk, which mostly eliminates the bitter and awful taste of it.
- I exercise thrice a week on my own accord. Remember how I used to “complain” whenever you’d drag me to the gym with you? I enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong, but there were some days I felt like staying home instead. In hindsight, I’m glad you rarely let me skip the gym. It gave me more time with you. Anyway, I now Spin or run three times a week!
- I eat cucumbers now!!!! This is a big one!! Again, used to make fun of your healthy and tasteless salads, but now I eat cucumbers for lunch. I don’t eat them as raw as you eat your veggies – I have them with sauces that mask the taste – but still, a BIG step this one is.
- I don’t listen to Taylor Swift much anymore. I still listen to her older songs that I like because they make me feel nostalgic, but I’m hardly listening to the newer stuff she’s put out. I know you had your opinions about her and I’m starting to view her through a more objective and maybe even slightly critical lens. Your words, “I don’t trust anyone that rich,” is making more sense to me now. It’s true, no one has any reason to be that wealthy – not just Taylor Swift, but everyone with that level of fortune. There are so many people they can help with the money they have.
- I’m being more conscious of my health and physique. This one is kind of similar to point number two and three. Not that I didn’t care about my appearance when we were dating, but I wasn’t as into eating healthily or working out a certain number of times a week. I’m more careful, not just because I’m getting older (can you believe it? I’ve aged almost two years since you’ve last seen me), but because I’m starting to notice the difference between eating healthier and not… which I guess is a sign of my aging body (nooooooo…). I think of you a lot whenever I’m conscious of my physique.
We did something like that on your birthday this year. Everyone wrote at least one thing about their lives they think you would have liked, or something big you have missed since you passed. It was a nice thing to do, I think. Thinking back, it’s something I fully do not regret doing – as sad as it was to do.
Sorry I didn’t have more interesting trivial matters to talk about. I wanted to mention learning the guitar or building Lego, but you already know that. I realize I tell you a lot more than I think. There are definitely more about me that you’ve missed out on, but I also trust that you’re watching from above. Keep communicating with us through signs, okay? Two bulbs in my room have now started flashing, and I’m quite okay with that.
Can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.
Love always,
Sha
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