Dear Josh,
By the time this post comes out, I should be back home in Singapore.
Our time in London was beyond precious. Of course, almost every hour, you would have been on at least one of our minds. It was wishful thinking to have hoped for you to have been with us during this special time. I guess it’s a reminder that what many take for granted is beyond what others can even imagine.
Of course, the main reason why it was even tolerable was having some of our closest family and friends with us. Shalini, Aunty K, Anta, the boys. And even Jess’s friends. Each one coming in at different times to keep us company.
Yesterday I finally went to Periyammamma’s house. To say I wasn’t a little anxious would be lying. As I walked into the garden, I literally had to push some stalks of purple flowers out of the way with my feet to get to the entrance. Within minutes of sitting down, I quickly looked around the house to spot your picture. It was strangely ok. The afternoon was lovely with one of your favourite Uncles and the family. There were very frequent mentions of you and Periyapatta, both by them and by us. This is what I always look for. And it’s what gives comfort to both Jess and me. We talked about your birthday parties. I had forgotten some of them. When I left, Periyammamma asked me to light the lamp next to your picture and all our closest family members in heaven. She was very clever not to have asked me to do it when I arrived there. We are truly blessed to have family who mourn your loss like it was their very own son/ grandson.
I was alone for a short time on Shalini’s last day. They were all doing the Crystal Maze but I bailed. Being alone for even that brief time, of course my thoughts were about you more. As I was walking around Piccadilly Circus, I came across this on the pavement. It sums up our entire London trip.
Love Mum
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