Dear Josh,
Guess who we met for dinner and dessert last night?! Our favourite lecturer, Dr K. She was devastated when she heard what happened. We briefly talked about it last night and she shared something that happened during your wake that I didn’t know about. From the way she speaks of you, I can tell she still has so much adoration for you. And you deserve every bit of it. We also got her to admit that you’re her favourite! When she very shyly said it, we were like, “We’ve known from day one!!!!”
Meeting her was something I’ve wanted to do since early 2025. In February, I saw her for a couple of minutes before her class started and cried. I tried not to, but back then I wasn’t very good at holding my emotions in and seeing her reminded me so much of the times we had. I saw her again in June 2025, when she told us she was leaving the school and gave us your birthday present – the Lego figurines of the four of us, three graduating. I cried again then, even before opening the gift and finding out what it was. When we finally opened the gift on your birthday in 2025, I cried again (surprise, surprise). Being around her just reminds me so much of being in her class with you and L. I attended her classes twice – once with the both of you and once on my own – that’s how much I adored her and the two of you. Because I couldn’t officially swap classes and had to meet my attendance, the classes I attended with you and L weren’t counted in the system. Purely for my own enjoyment, and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute.
Before dinner and dessert with Dr K, I was frankly a little nervous. I was afraid I might cry again and set off emotions I might have been suppressing. I was fully prepared to cry upon seeing her, and fully prepared to cry during dinner and dessert, but I didn’t. I’ll give you credit for that, Josh. Maybe you were giving me some strength? Dinner and dessert were fantastic. The only thing that would have made it better was your presence. I sat with L during both dinner and dessert, but I thought of how I’d be sitting with you if you were here. I wondered what else we would have talked about. Would we still be talking about grief, just not ours? I know there are some things we’d still talk about – future plans, advice, tips and tricks on surviving life, etc. I did wonder what you would have eaten though and if we would have hung out for as long as we had.
I felt touched that Dr K decided to meet with us. She shared about her life, and asked about ours. It was a level of emotional intimacy I was thankful to have with her. You have so much respect and adoration for her, and I can see why. At one point during dinner, she asked us about life updates – how we’ve been doing, what we intend to do… and I paused for a bit before answering. I didn’t intuitively say, “I’m okay,” as I usually do. I actually paused and honestly answered about my life, recent thoughts, and grief.
I think this post warrants a part two. Stopping in the middle of my story like that, I feel like the author of a cliffhanging story, haha! Really it’s because I think the post will be too long if I kept going. And it wouldn’t do the conversation justice if I tried to shorten it.
I hope we get to meet Dr K again, and I hope you’re watching us from above. Can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.
*OH! And Happy Halloween, Josh. We might have gone as a toothbrush and toothpaste this year. 🙂
Love always,
Sha
Leave a Reply