I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Very early on, someone told me to keep talking to you. I usually don’t speak aloud to you. But I started talking to you in my mind almost immediately. Sometimes I would wonder if you can actually hear my thoughts. I always think of what you would say to me.

I was watching an extended period of TV in the living room the other day. I usually watch TV in my room. About 30 minutes into the show, I looked to my left imagining you sitting there, on your laptop, like you would sometimes do, legs stretched out on the recliner, and just to keep me company. Occasionally, you would glance at the TV at whatever I was watching. Sometimes you would get interested. But most times I would get a disapproving comment, “what are you watching Mum?”. I spent a good few seconds looking at the spot, and trying hard to imagine you sitting there. A millisecond later my eyes shifted back to the TV. The lady in the show I was watching was driving. Her son had gone missing. At that very millisecond, she too looks at the passenger seat, and imagines her son sitting next to her.

And then, a few days ago, while I was missing you more when going to bed, I tried to imagine you. This time I was thinking of what Aunty K mentioned in her recent dream of you. That you were playing with some kids on a river bank. I thought of that, and thought of you playing with a little boy. I also wondered if you had had a little brother, what his name would be. I decided it would have been Jason Sachin.

The next morning as I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw a random friend suggestion. He was not “friends” with any of mine so I don’t know how his name popped up. His name was Jason Sanjay. Close. But also now partially your name.

So my final thoughts on this….you can read my mind. You’re certainly acing this spiritual thing!

Love Mum