I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Social media has been full of the recent news of Martin Short’s daughter’s passing by suicide. I have also been watching and reading many of his interviews. It came up on TCF a few times and Jess also sent me a few clips.

In the first clip I watched, he talks about his daughter’s long fight with BPD.

“The understanding that mental health and cancer…., are both diseases. And sometimes with diseases, they are terminal. And my daughter fought for a long time, with extreme mental health, borderline personality disorder, other things, and did the best she could until she couldn’t.”

Watching and hearing this gave me much comfort. The focus shouldn’t be on suicide. It should be on the fact that this was an illness. And in many cases including yours, the illness was terminal.

A recent conversation with a now, friend, who also lost her child got me thinking. I have weird ways of answering difficult questions. I’ve mentioned this before. For people I know I will see regularly, like work colleagues, I do say that you’ve passed. For others, especially patients, I “omit” certain things. This friend though, said her answer is usually, “I have a child in year XXX, and I have another child in heaven”. I thought this was so brave.

I want to be braver. I want to be an advocate for suicide prevention. And BPD. And mental health. I want to be able to say it without feeling emotional or as if there is something wrong. Like Martin Short. I want to say my son died of a terminal disease. That disease was Borderline Personality Disorder which ended up in suicide, and so, was terminal. I also want to say my son was so, so brave. He also fought for a long time, and did the best until he couldn’t.

If this is what you want us to do Josh, you will show us the way. You will give us the strength to say the right things at the right time. “In time Mum, in time”, I can hear you say.

You will be happy to hear that Ammamma and Tun have been busy with cake orders in the last few weeks. The most recent order was for a friend’s parent who took the cakes to his church. Incidentally, or maybe not so incidentally, the church was affiliated to your kindergarten. I feel like you somehow maneuvered this too!

Love you darling,

Mum