I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

I feel so exhausted. I think I’ve had a busy few days and barely had time to myself. At least, it feels like that. I think you’d disagree though, watching me lie in bed reading or watching some TV show I don’t care about. I just feel so tired for no particular reason. You know what I feel like doing? I feel like just sitting down and staring into space. I don’t want to move, talk, or do anything but stare at nothing. I don’t feel like I have the energy to do anything.

L and I filmed a video for an assignment today. We took turns being the therapist and client. Days before filming, I thought about how we would have done it as the trio we are. We would have spun a wheel and took turns to be the therapist and client. We laughed a lot filming, but I think we would have laughed more with you. L also bought a silly card game about therapy that we would have thoroughly enjoyed. It requires three players, so we were thinking of playing it for you. It’s the type of card game where you can technically play for another person and not affect the game – so it suits us. I hope that when we eventually start playing this game, you’ll be sitting beside us.

There is a quote in my mind and I can’t figure out how I found it. It’s by Emanuel Swedenborg, a renowned Swedish polymath, scientist, and Christian mystic. He says, “I can declare this: Things that are in heaven are more real than things that are in the world. They are less obscure, and are in every way more perceptible. The angels possess forms, and enjoy all the senses, more exquisitely and distinctly than do humans in the world. They see heavenly things in their own light, which transcends the light of the worldly sun to such a degree that it cannot even be described.”

Swedenborg has many quotes like that and I enjoy reading his lines. When I first read this quote, I thought it was beautiful and hopeful – the idea that the world we live in is not the end, that whatever is coming next is even more wonderful than what we have now is something I can appreciate. I’ve also heard that Heaven has more colors than we can imagine, that it is more blissful than bliss itself, that everything is felt stronger, better, brighter. I think of that and I think of you, and I’m so thankful that at least one of us is having a good time.

I can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever. Hope you are still with us.

Love always,
Sha