I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Another confession…..

Jess reminded me of something when I had attended one of the meetings at her kindergarten. The school was going to open up for earlier years, and so, you could attend the same kindergarten earlier than I expected. I know. So cruel of me.

And so, you excitedly started Kindy at the very young age of 2 1/2 years. I was very worried when you started. I was afraid it would be a similar experience to when Jess started childcare in Sydney when she cried for hours and for days. But I was telling myself that you were older than her, and that it would be just for a few hours each day.

Surprisingly, the first day went brilliantly. Eager parents sat outside the classrooms looking out for their kids crying or looking distressed. This included Ammamma and me. But you seemed fine. It was something novel to you. With all the new kids and toys to play with. We were still cautious and I took a few days off work to wait outside your classroom with Ammammma.

On the second day, I recall sitting with Ammamma and telling her, “this one is different huh? Not like Jess. He didn’t cry at all!”. Ammamma happily agreed with me too. Literally minutes later, we heard a child crying. I remember looking at Ammamma and saying, “is that Josh?”. We looked inside the classroom, and it was you…..

Sadly, the crying went on for many, many, many days, and for many hours each day. I remember one morning, I peeked into the stairwell and one of your teachers was trying to cover your mouth to stop me hearing you crying. 

Other than that though, the school was so, so accommodating. Ammamma sat outside your classroom, and sometimes in your classroom, for several days. You wouldn’t even allow her to use the washroom. Your eyes were always looking out for her. On several occasions, even the Principal would make encouraging announcements on the PA system to stop you crying. They would even bring Jess (who was in a class in the same building) over to you to try to stop the tears.

After what seemed like several weeks, you stopped crying. Eventually, you even started to love Kindy. The teachers loved you. You were one of their brightest kids. And you were always so polite to them.

Months before you passed, we bumped into your Principal in the supermarket. She was thrilled to see you and remarked at how handsome you were. Now I try to dodge everyone from Kindy, parents and teachers. They probably know about you. But I just don’t want to face them.

18 years after you started Kindy, we would come to know that Shalini was also in one of those classes, in the same building, and in the same session. Perhaps the teachers should have also brought her to you to soothe your crying too.

Incidentally, some of the first cakes Ammamma and Tun lovingly made for your foundation, were shared amongst church parishioners connected to the very same Kindy. Again your choreography perhaps?

Love Mum