I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Here’s the part two I hope you’ve been excitedly waiting for. Like I said in the previous letter, I’ve been feeling closer to your friends every time I hang out with them, so much so that I feel like they are now my friends as well. I didn’t know how to put that feeling across because if I said they were your friends, it would understate the friendship I have with them. If I refer to them as my friends, it overlooks how we met (you!) and your friendship with them. So, I guess they are our friends now. I like that. We now have more mutual friends which makes me feel closer to you.

On Saturday, I went to M’s farewell party. He’s moving to the US permanently. There was a lot about that night that is worthy of speaking about and a lot of moments that I would like to keep in my mind for a long time, but I’ll focus on the parts that include you. In 2024 you talked about M and said his parties are huge. You talked about how if he were to have one in the future you’d take me with you if it was appropriate. We then went into a conversation about how we’d act around friends which was quite a nice and interesting conversation. So, thanks to you, I already had the notion that his parties were going to be big and likely with the involvement of alcohol.

I’m sure you recall this, but it’ll be better for my storytelling if I explain it again. We have a no-drinking pact. We actually drank quite a bit in 2024. I guess you won’t get in trouble now so I can just freely say when we drank. Once in school, once at Halloween Horror Night, once at home, and once at my birthday dinner. This doesn’t sound like a lot, but all these happened within a few months and each time wasn’t just one drink. Anyway, the day we decided to drink at home, we didn’t have a lot of a particular alcohol, but you had a variety so we decided to mix our drinks. We had so much in such a short amount of time that something went embarrassingly wrong and I ended up puking thrice. You made soooo much fun of me for this. As I hunched over the toilet seat, you holding my hair back, I swore to never drink again. You thought I was joking, and said that I’ll feel better tomorrow and we’ll be more careful the next time we drink. But even a week after this puking incident, I still insisted that I didn’t want to drink ever again. You said you’d do it with me and this no-drinking pact became a running inside joke. Your mum says that even on Christmas you refused alcohol.

Well, since our pact, I’ve not had alcohol either. But this party was going to happen and I had a feeling I’d be put in a situation where it’d be hard to refuse alcohol – not that I would succumb to peer pressure or “temptation”, or that our friends would even pressure me. Before the party, I started thinking if I would have alcohol and concluded that if I was going to, I wanted it to be in a situation where you were in conversation and it was meaningful. Less than thirty minutes after we entered the party, G suggested taking three shots before everyone arrived. I was hesitant because that was not what I had in mind. Thankfully, that idea was quickly dropped as more people arrived before we made a decision.

In a conversation with S later on, I told him about this no-drinking pact I have with you. A couple of hours later, S’s sister arrived and I was in conversation with her about shopping and work and life. She had wanted to get a drink a few minutes before our conversation happened, so when our talking took a pause, I suggested getting a drink with her. We walked to the bartender and she ordered us two margaritas. As the drinks were getting prepared, I found an opportunity to say, “Hey! Fun fact! I’ve not had a drink in x amount of time because I have a no-drinking pact with Joshua!” Honestly, she was likely the best person I could have said this to because she immediately started reassuring me that I did not have to drink with her. I then assured her that I wanted to do it with her and that I was glad we were talking about you. We continued talked about you, how the pact came about, and when the drinks arrived, she said, “To Joshua” before we clinked our glasses. I don’t know if it was obvious, but in that moment, with her just looking at me and us clinking our glasses to you, I wanted to cry just because of how touched I was that she thought of saying that, that she took my first drink so seriously, that she wanted to keep talking about you.

For the next five minutes after that, we stood in a corner where she said you’re the only friend of S’s that she didn’t get to meet. I told her that you’d get along with her, that you’re a very easy person to get along with. In that moment I also felt tears sting my eyes but I quickly blinked them away in fear that it would make the situation awkward. We didn’t get to chat more about you because we were joined by the rest of our friends but that moment was honestly so nice. My first drink could not have gone better or been with a kinder person.  

This doesn’t mean that I’ll be actively drinking though. At the moment, I don’t think I would like to put myself in a situation where I’m drinking and you’re not a part of it. And anyway, I don’t think I’ll be drinking unless it’s with your sister/family or our friends. All in all, the night went really well. I almost lost my voice at the end of the night and it’s been a while since that has happened. I have a video of everyone dancing and that has made it into my mental box of happy memories.

When I told your mum and sister about my first drink with S’s sister, we all started getting emotional and I believe they were also really thankful for S and his sister. I have you to thank, for introducing me to people I’ve grown to adore.

I can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha