I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

A little boy got into the elevator just a few seconds after Jess and me the other day. We could see he was uncomfortable for the duration of the very short time he was with us. His fingers were fidgeting with the buttons in the elevator. He was about 8 years old. His hair was matted and he was sweaty. Jess and I didn’t say anything, but we were quietly smiling with a knowing look.

As soon as we got out of the elevator, we rapidly talked about how much he reminded us of you. How you would also be fidgeting. And how you were frequently seen sweating. Your cheeks would always be red after playing in the evenings, like really red. It always made us want to pinch your cheeks. It was only when you were much older and when you lost the weight that we couldn’t quite pinch your cheeks anymore.

I’ve also noticed that Jess frequently refers to you as “the kid”. I don’t think she did this before you passed. It’s often, “the kid would have loved this”, or “the kid would have done this”. When we were in a noisy, crowded place in Seoul, she said “the kid would have hated this”. And sometimes, or actually more often, “I miss the kid so much”.

I think you would like being called “the kid”. You will always be “the kid” in our home.

Love Mum