I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

One of your favourite cousins and Aunts are here as you know. It is so nice that they are. The house is alive again, and it is a much needed distraction as your birthday approaches.

As I was walking with your little cousin, we stumbled across the Pokemon store, yet again. I thought it had closed down. I think it did just a few months after you passed. It felt like some of the places you loved and frequented also decided to shut down, as if they were in solidarity with you. So it was a surprise to see a new store open.

I could feel my heart rate speeding up as we walked into the store. I can’t remember the countless times we both went there. We even paid to enter when it was first opened. It was like a mini wonderland for you. You would move between the plushies and the other merch, undecided for ages on what to get. The memories came flooding back. Perhaps the universe decided to ease my suffering somewhat. The design of the store was completely different to what it used to be. So very quickly, I told myself, this was not the same. To add to my comfort was holding your little cousin’s little hand. I think he didn’t realise how much confidence he was giving me, and not the other way around.

We walked around a little bit, and he finally settled on a Pokemon I didn’t recognise. “Tepig” he called it. I can’t remember if you mentioned this one or if it’s new. You would have given me a lecture on whether Tepig had evolved, or if it was second generation, or something to that effect.

I guess you planned it like this. It was nice to take the first step into your most favourite store in the whole world with one of your favourite cousins. I think you would have also made sure you were right beside us, looking at the plushies, and settling on Tepig as well.

Love Mum