I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

The last time I went to Universal Studios Singapore (USS) was with you in 2024. I can’t say I’ve been avoiding it because there haven’t been many opportunities for me to go, but one came up a few days ago and I didn’t want to say no.

Today, I went to USS with your mum, sister, aunt, and little cousin. Honestly, I could not have asked for a better experience. It felt right to do it with your family and I genuinely felt so comfortable the entire time. There were a couple of times where I felt like tearing up though, as expected.

The first was when we just walked in the park and the realization officially hit me that I am here without you. We talked about coming back to USS when “Minion Land” opened and I had forgotten that it was in fact open now. So, when I saw the brightly colored décor of “Minion Land” I felt a familiar pang of sadness. I am here without you. I am visiting “Minion Land” without you.

This post would not be complete without giving a shoutout to your dear sister who very bravely accompanied me for all the major rollercoasters. Your sister is such a champ. I am too shy to say this to her face but I truly have so much love for her. Not only did she very bravely and kindly rode all the major rollercoasters with me, she walked all around the park trying to maximize our time there, held my hand through the scary rollercoasters (this made me laugh because even you and I didn’t hold hands during rides), made me laugh so hard I almost cried (can you believe this?), and screamed with me at the top of our lungs as we were flipped upside down multiple times. She was the best companion I could have had on these rides that you and I both love so much. I owe a lot of the joy I felt today to her.

The other time I thought I might tear up was when we walked out of one of the major rollercoasters and as I descended the stairs, I verbalized a thought without much hesitation, “Josh would have loved this.” I can’t remember if I meant that you would have loved the ride or the fact that I was doing it with your sister, but I just felt that thought come to me as if you were telling me yourself. I hope this means you liked both.

I’m missing out a lot of details about today that made me feel nice. Like when I sat with your mum on the Elmo ride and it was the exact same seats we sat at. Or when we ate lunch at the restaurant you and I had pizza at. There was so much about today that brought grief-laced joy and I am so appreciative of the day I had.

USS will always hold a special place in my heart for so many reasons. I absolutely love rollercoasters and I loved every minute we spent in that theme park. Today felt like I was reliving a memory. It also really helped that your family made me laugh so much. My cheeks ached at the end of the night from smiling.

After USS, we had a brief moment at home before dinner where I spent about 15 minutes playing with your little cousin, J. He is so, so cute and so pleasant. I built Lego with him and I could see you enjoying that too. I heard you’re very fond of him too and I think if we were lucky enough to have had a kid, I’d want them to be like little J. I know you’d agree.

Can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha