I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear josh,

What an odd title to start with while thinking about your birthday celebration yesterday.

Back when we first starting talking and i asked you when your birthday was, and it turned out to be the exact same day as my gym bestie’s, i was immediately giving you a stamp of good person approval cos your birthday twin is a real one too. she continues to be a real one cos she knows i will not be able to celebrate her birthday with her on the actual day because i’m determined to set time aside for any time/celebrations/get togethers we’ll have with you and your family as long as they would like the company.

But yesterday was me possibly stretching – i was at my p. school friend’s birthday gathering, she always booked a hotel room and invited her friends over. Usually it’s her birthday weekend (31st), however as it was, yesterday was her celebration too. So i told her hey i need to head over to josh’s for a few hours if that’s okay , and she was totally cool about it cos obviously she knows you and sha and everything we’ve been doing this past year. What i didn’t expect was some of our other mutual friends who were there to frantically be texting me every half hour asking me where i was and whether i was getting back.

Please dont mind them cos they are also my primary school friends so we’ve known each other forever, but i see them once a year and dont always talk to them so they hadnt met you yet. It was honestly quite chaotic and confusing cos one of them heard i was at another birthday, another one thought i was going to a wake, another thought i went somewhere else all together. the chaos started when one of the girls got drunk and was bawling her eyes out and she kept asking for me, whether i was coming back, what time, she wasn’t going to leave before she saw me. So i had to ask sha and auntie what time-ish we were gonna send the balloon notes to you and the note on the cake (hey didnt think i was gonna cry at that too but). i felt super bad cos i didnt want to rush but also didn’t know what to do with the bawling girl – literally 5 different people were texting me at one point. anyway i’m getting to the point of this title.

so i managed to stay for both the above but made a beeline (with tun’s help to get some cupcakes too) for the ride back and i didnt get to say bye properly to your ftm folks nor jess’ lovely “these are my friends” friends – sorry i was so rude T_T but i had to rush off and poor sha also panicked cos she couldn’t see me aft the balloon thing and i had to call and shout at her to come hug me before i jumped into the car.

back at the hotel, bawling girl was still bawling and i had to comfort her and let her go rest. and when the people started to taper off and only a few of them were left, i was able to introduce you to them properly. i hate that i cant do it properly without sobbing; i hate that they weren’t able to know you personally; i hate that we didn’t have more time so i could tell them more about the shenanigans we’d have gotten up to by now; i hate that you’re not able to be in my corner atm cos i know you would give me such great advice. but i love that my friends listened, asked questions, acknowledged you and didn’t just patronise me. and im grateful for that. I hope you liked how i intro’ed you to them last night, and yes yes, “one of the most brilliant, smart, and kind person i’ve ever known” is your entitlement from me.

happy belated birthday. imu

“lynnda”