I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

I’m sure you saw all of this from above our right beside us. But I want to document everything, for you and for us!

The day and night before your birthday, I almost did not have a minute to think of the next day approaching. Somehow things were happening in an already packed day. And in the evening, I got a surprise call related to work with some good news. And Shalini and Jess were right next to me when the call came. That got me quite excited despite knowing your birthday was fast approaching. I presume all of this was your choreography. The call should not have come to me. It should have gone to my boss or another colleague. After the news came, I texted one of the parties who had told me the news and told her it was your birthday the next day, and this news had somehow helped me. She sent me such a beautiful reply in response.

Later in the night before your birthday, 2 online orders that should have arrived the following week suddenly appeared at our doorstep. One was the Pokemon jigsaw puzzle Shalini and I ordered for your birthday. The other was my usual order of candles. This time, there was another “surprise” gift. In the midst of all the candles, there was a small package. Shalini helped me open it. It was a metallic cover for the candles. In the middle of the metal disc, was a separate metal piece in the shape of a heart! We were delighted!

Just before I went to bed the night before, I wanted to light a new candle for your. Jess suggested lighting the new Mahogany and Teakwood candle we had just bought. It was a restless night, as expected, and I was waking up almost hourly. At about 3am, I woke up because the smell from the candle was so, so strong. It was so strong that for the first time in my life, I seriously contemplated stepping out of my room and blowing it out. The next morning, both Tun and Jess also said the smells were so strong. Somehow it had gotten past our closed bedroom doors and the strong air-conditioning. It felt like you were around us as soon as it struck midnight.

As soon as I woke up, I went into your room. Everyone else was still asleep. I looked at your phone and there were 2 iMessages from Jess’s number just before midnight. Amazing! I then cleaned up your room a little, arranging the gifts and cards that had come for your last birthday, to make room for anymore that may come for this birthday. Naturally, the tears had already started, but increased when I read Shalini’s post, especially her last sentence.

We tried to keep up with our tradition of McDonald’s for breakfast. I’m sorry again I didn’t do this for your 20th birthday. We also opened a birthday card Aunty P got you, and we all had little hedgehog stickers to choose.

We all then went to the church to light candles for you. There were more fish in the pond there than I’ve ever seen before. Numerous little orange ones and a couple of big ones too.

And then we started our cupcakes delivery. To be continued in my next post!

Love Mum