I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

I know Shalini already wrote about this. This is my version.

I also have a text message from you, one of your last, telling me that Spiderman was also coming out around your birthday. I replied excitedly to you, naively thinking both movies were coming out in July 2025. It irritates me that I can’t clarify this with you now, but I’m guessing your answer to me would have been, “you should know they won’t release both Superman and Spiderman at the same time”. Well, I didn’t know.

Shalini and I had a brief conversation about the movie before we left for London. Since we had all watched Superman together, I wanted this one to be special too. She was watching it with your friends, so Jess and I planned to watch it together in London. As Anta and the boys were meeting us in London, we hoped to watch it with them too.

Somehow, I was unable to book the tickets. Every time I logged into the various cinema sites, something would go wrong, and so I was resigned to the fact that we probably wouldn’t get to watch it with them. Then, just an hour before one of the session times, Anta miraculously managed to book it. Jess quickly got an Uber and we got to the cinema just minutes before it started.

Like Shalini also felt, there were moments of intense sadness before the movie started. “Middle A” sat next to me. He reminds me a lot of you. He was sitting at the edge of his seat for most of the movie! The seat next to him was empty. I kind of thought that seat was for you. Throughout the movie, I would occasionally glance at that seat, trying to imagine you were sitting there.

The movie was great. How I wish you were physically with us watching it. It touched on grief, and sibling loss. Perhaps it was your way of talking to us.

At the end of the movie, everyone clapped. I loved this. Only in London I guess. I looked around and saw that no one was leaving. And I missed you again. You would have told us if there would be a scene after the credits, and it was upsetting me that you were not there to tell us this. Just then, “Little A” popped his head between Jess and me to tell us not to get up. There was to be a scene after the credits. I guess you heard us.

So there you have it. We have watched the 2 movies you were so excited to watch. Superman and Spiderman. Going forward, we will have to guess which movies you would have wanted to watch. It really sucks. But these were the cards dealt to us. We have to find a way to play them.

Love you darling,

Mum