I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

A few of my friends’ sons have been heading off to Uni. There have been posts on Facebook of packing their bags, buying kitchen utensils, and even some groceries.

I thought I would feel extra bad when I saw these posts or heard about them. On TCF, many parents talked about how difficult it was to see their children’s friends prepare to head back to school. Interestingly though, I was happy to see the posts, sometimes even peering closely to see what they had packed to take.

I also wondered how my friends felt. It was only natural that I thought their pain could not even be an ounce of what I felt of not having you around. When I met up with one of them though, the question came quite naturally, and genuinely, “how is Mum doing”. I also reminded myself of how I felt when Jess went off to Uni for the first time, and even now, so many years later. It cannot be compared of course, but I’m glad I’m not jaded enough to not wish the best for my friends’ children.

Last Monday was a nice day. I woke up at 4am, and as I tried to go back to sleep, I hoped I would dream of you. You showed up in a black and red striped t-shirt, and you were carrying a flower arrangement. You looked quite happy. Later in the day when I talked to Jess, she too said she dreamt of you. And you were the same age of around 10-11 years as you were in my dream!

My post on Monday was about Nara. That morning, for multiple reasons, I ended up using a desktop at work I wasn’t meant to. It had switched off over the weekend. When I turned it back on, a very unusual screen saver came on. The screen savers are ALWAYS different pictures of scenery. But this time, this came on. You’re always making sure you’re close to me!

Love Mum