Dear Josh,
Your family is soooo nice. I just read your mum’s post about being easy to travel with and I’m honestly so grateful because I feel the same way about them. I feel so relaxed being here even though we’re clocking so many steps a day. Also, your mum is doubly sweet for constantly asking if she can make me food or if I need help with anything. I don’t recall ever being asked that.
I know I should probably write about London, but I assume you’re traveling with us after all the signs we’ve gotten, so I’ll write about something else. I’m currently reading this book titled “Twice” by Mitch Albom. I have liked and read many of his books so this is an easy read so far. It’s basically about this boy who learns that he can repeat every moment in his life twice. It sounds silly, but it’s one of those books about life.
It starts off simply. He likes this girl so he spends his first chance learning everything about her and goes back in time with the knowledge he acquired to court her. Spoiler alert: it worked, but the relationship lasted two weeks. Then it gets a bit more serious. Or rather, there are bits of serious moments every now and then. His mum dies, and misses it the first time because he chooses to go out instead of staying home with her. After he finds out that she dies, he goes back to the moment before she passes and sits beside her instead – basically choosing to relive her death again to spend more time with her.
There are a couple of rules to this repeating-moments skill. For one, you can’t repeat moments that don’t involve you. You also can’t fast forward time. So if you choose to repeat a moment, you have to live the subsequent days/months/years like you did the first time. Most importantly, you can’t prevent deaths. Later on in the book, the main character loses his best friend and goes back to a pivotal moment to try and save his life, but soon after finds out that his best friend dies anyway – just in a different than the first time. There’s a lot more to this story, but it got me thinking.
If we could, would we go back? And where would we go back to? Would I go back to when we first met and try to speed things along so that we’d be together for longer before it happens? Or would I still try to stop you from passing despite knowing that it probably won’t work? Importantly, would I be able to relive the grief again, from the beginning, where it was most painful? I think I would go back just to experience us again, but this time, I’d take more pictures, I’d tell you everything I want to say, I’d somehow equip myself with the skills necessary to better handle grief (if it absolutely had to happen again).
Where would you go back to? Would you go back to way before you met me? Perhaps unsee or un-experience some of the trauma you experienced? Would that have changed your ending?
I have so much I’d like to discuss with you. Wish I could. I’d love to hear from you. Can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.
Love always,
Sha
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